Are your rules causing you pain?

So, how you find out what your rules are?

A good place to start is with the word 'should' and ought to'.

Should is a self-imposed rule.

I should exercise more.

'Should' is a rule that we would like to stick to, but very often break and feel some discomfort when we do.

Should is a weak rule. It's a rule we aim for but don't necessarily stick to.

If we want to make the rule stronger we can change it to MUST. This can be a powerful rule for changing a behaviour or a habit.

If you say,

I MUST exercise... are much more likely to keep exercising. Must is a good rule for motivation. However, if you break the rule you will suffer much more pain.

Must is a rigid rule and and used in the wrong way can cause problems.

If someone says,

I must always be in control of my emotions...

I must'nt ever get angry...

I must be nice to everyone...

These rules can cause problems because they are unrealistic target which aren't good for your emotional health.

As well as these rules we also have some hidden rules. These are rules with might not be aware of.

Let's take feeling happy or being successful.

Because they mean very different things to different people, we need to define what they mean to us

So we make rules for things we 'have to' do or we 'need to' do in order for us to feel happy......or be successful.

The more things we 'have to' do to meet these rules the more difficult it will be for us to feel successful happy or successful.

We make rules in all aspects of our lives..... health, relationships, finances.

The rules we create for ourselves are self- imposed.

Set up your rules that make it easier to feel good and more difficult to feel bad.